Hipokrit!

Semua orang hipokrit! Orang paling kau percaya pon boleh tipu kau fifi, boleh x jujur dgn kau? Kau ada ape lgi? Kau xde ape2 fifi. You are nothing! Sampai sini jek kot. Nasib la kau fifi dikelilingi orang2 hipokrit! Tak jujur dgn diri kau! Sekian. I’ve had enough. Semua sama jek! 

Lahirnya seketul khayra

Assalamualaikum.

Malam ni tak boleh lelap mata. Emmm..jom ler kita story pasal proses deliver khayra yang comel itu! 😝

Malam 3 Nov 2020, macam biasa la..on the fon dengan encik suami. Dah rasa lain macam dah perut ni..tapi still in denial. Takpe, ni 1st baby..chill2. Sakit sikit2..pain score dalam 0.5-1/10. Rasa mengantuk tu lgi membuak-buak. So, tido la lepas calling2 tu. Dah bgtau siap2 org nun jauh disana, dah ada tanda2 ni. Mase gi toilet mcm ad keluar darah+lendir sikit2. Get ready standby balik terus if anything happen.

Tengah syokk tido, terjaga sebab sakit perut yang amat + sakit belakang. Apooo.. 😳😳 jam pukul 3 pagi. Aduhh. Mata ngantuk lgi ni, tapi sakit ni kerap pulak datang. Gi toilet, tgk darah+lendir makin banyak keluar. Still decide nk chill2 dlu. Tapi duk pikir, kang terberanak tak sempat sampai hospital..naya ni. Call org jauh dulu, bgtau mcm nk kena pegi hospital ni. 

Pegila kejutkan umi ngan abah. Umi muka dah cuak. Dah lama tak beranak.😂 Terus tanya nk gi hospital terus ke? Gi kejut abah pulak. Pastu bincang2, decide nk gi lepas subuh. Lagipon masih boleh tahan sakit ni. Dalam 30min skali dia datang sakit tu. Rehat2, jalan2. Tengok jam 5 pagi. Umi pon..kejap2 datang jenguk. Suruh siap2 mandi, subuh. Lepas breakfast nak gi hospital terus. 

Tapi duk pikir, kalau gerak sekarang pon..sampai pkl 7pgi nanti, misi tgh kalut nk passover..doktor2 pon. So decide pergi after 8. Encik suami pon tgh duk setel2 nak balik sini.

So, dalam pkl 8pgi..bergerak la ke hospital ditemani umi & abah. Dalam hati, Allah jek tau. Takut, cuak, happy..xtau nk describe macam mana. Tak sabar nk jumpa khayra, tapi still takut..sempat ke jumpa? Minta dijauhkan perkara2 buruk, minta2 delivery journey khayra smooth jek, uneventful. 

Sampai labor room, setel daftar semua..baring check jantung baby. Alhamdulillah..khayra sihat. Tak sabar nk jumpa mommy dia! Sakit makin kuat ni. Dari dalam kereta 3/10..sekarang dh jadi 5/10. Doktor datang check jalan, katanya baru 2cm..kena masuk wad dulu. Aduhhh..biar betul baru 2cm. Lama tunggu..baru dapat masuk wad. 

Update encik suami. Dalam pkl 3 lebih mcm tu smpai. Minta belikan nandos. Teringin nk makan nandos dh lama dah. 🤤 Thank you suami. Dia masuk jek dalam bilik, makan2..manja2 sket. Sakit tu masih boleh tahan lagi. 

Sebelum suami balik, ad misi datang katanya dah masa nk check bukaan jalan pulak. 4 jam lepas dah check, 3cm..ni berapa pulak. Masuk bilik, check semua..bukaan dah 4cm. Misi bagitau dah boleh tolak masuk labor room ni, nak pecahkan ketuban untuk memudahkan proses bersalin. Siap2 minta maaf..minta ampun semua. Mana tau tengah2 nak bersalin..anything happen. No one know. Nanti dh masuk labor room dh tak boleh suami teman. Dugaan musim covid. Redho aje la.

Dah masuk labor room tu, ready2 semua. Rasanya lepas maghrib..doktor datang pecahkan ketuban. Bermula saat itu la..contraction pain makin menjadi2. Hanya Allah jek tau sakitnya macam mana. Berganda2 sakit dari yg tadi. Kalau ikot skala sakit 10/10. Tapi kalau ad skala sakit tinggi lagi.. beratus-ratus kali ganda sakit. Rasa nk patah tulang2. Tilam labor room tu, asyik jatuh jek kena tendang. Sakit yang teramat sakit!!! 😖

Setiap 4 jam skali akan ad doktor datang untuk check bukaan jalan. Bukaan jalan slow sangat..dari 4cm ke 5cm ke 6cm. Tuhan jek tau sakit tu macam mana, nak tunggu setiap 4 jam. Sakit perut yang teramat sakit membuatkan diri ni tak boleh nk control dah. Ntah ke mana dah breathing control. Minta entonox gas sebab tak tahan sangat. Sebelom tu minta epidural. Tapi tak granted sbb dah lepas office hour. Xde dr bius nk bt epidural. Sabor aje laa.

Lepas dapat gas tu..rasa macam okay sikit. Tapi diri ni dah lalok rasa. Dalam hati..apa nak jadi, jadi laa. Yang penting..khayra keluar sihat. Sebab dah terlalu banyak sedut gas tu..ttbe misi gi tgk mesin ctg, graf jantung baby tak cantik pulak. Masa tu diri ni masih terawang-awangan. Ctg x cantik??? Fetal distress?

Selaku doktor yang pernah incaj labor room, tau la aku situasi tu macam mana. Gelabah! Tak nak kena c-sec. 😫 Minta jauh, Ya Allah. Doktor datang check bukaan jalan, 7cm..kepala baby atas lagi ni. Dah cuak dah aku! Fetal distress, 7cm, kepala baby not descent. Ya Allah..minta jauh la daripada perkara2 buruk. Kalau terpaksa c-sec pon, terpaksa la..tapi, kalau boleh taknak c-sec. Doktor ad explain, kita bagi chance..sebab contraction kuat, doktor tolong tapi ibu kena tolong skali. 

Doa banyak2 dalam hati. Niat nk keluarkan khayra dengan selamat jek. Sekuat hati teran + pertolongan daripada doktor dan misi2. Dengar doktor bagitau, “bagus ni..ad progress, kepala baby dah turun..bukaan jalan boleh strecth ni, ibu teran macam tadi ya..pandai..pandai..teruskan..sikit lagi! Dah nampak kepala dah ni. Kita gunting ya bagi baby keluar.” 

Dengar jek dah nampak kepala, lagi la semangat nak teran. Gunting ke ape..dah tak rasa ape dah. Sakit beranak tu paling sakit amat dah. Yang lain2 tu, tak kisah dah. Lepas dh gunting, doktor bagitau.. “ni sekali teran, insyaAllah keluar baby.” Ambik nafas dengan sekuat hati, sekali teran..keluarlah seketul khayra. 4 November 2020 pukul 2pagi. Hampir 24 jam mommy bertarung nak jumpa dengan khayra! 

Alhamdulillah, dengar khayra nangis kuat sangat. Happy mommy. Dengan sekelip mata..rasa sakit yang teramat tadi hilang macam magic! 

Proses keluarkan uri, jahit-menjahit..semua dah tak terasa apa. Rasa macam lega-seleganya. Minta air kosong dengan misi. Rasa dahaga yang amat. Dua gelas minum air. Lepas tu rasa tubuh lemah sangat. Terlelap sekejap sementara tunggu semua proses selesai.

Rasa macam kena kejut. Buka-buka mata. Seketul khayra di depan mata! 🥰 Assalamualaikum Khayra! 😍 Comel gebu nya kamu! ❤️  

 

Muhasabah diri

 Kadangkala,

Allah sukarkan jodoh kita,

Tetapi apabila sudah selamat berumahtangga,

Dia mudahkan rezeki menimang cahaya mata.

Kadangkala,

Allah sukarkan kita menimang cahaya mata,

Tetapi Dia rezekikan suami/isteri yang memahami serta menerima kita apa adanya.

Kadangkala,

Allah sukarkan kita dengan suami/isteri yang sering membuat hati menjeruk rasa,

Tetapi Allah mudahkan dengan kehadiran anak-anak penyejuk mata.

Kadangkala,

Allah payah dan sukarkan kita dalam mendidik cahaya mata,

Tetapi Dia mudahkan dengan pelbagai ilmu keibubapaan yang membuatkan anak-anak tidak derhaka.

Kadangkala,

Allah sukarkan kita dengan perkara-perkara yang ada (di atas),

Tetapi Allah mudahkan kita dalam kerjaya juga beramal kepadanya.

Dan ada juga ketikanya,

Allah sukarkan kita dengan segala-galanya,

Tetapi Allah mudahkan kita menjadi hamba-Nya yang Dia redha.

Subhanallah,

Nikmat Allah itu luas.

Kadangkala,

Tidak terjangkau oleh akal fikiran,

Namun membuat kita kerdil saat kita menyedarinya,

Lalu tinggal kita yang harus memilih,

Mahu menjadi orang biasa-biasa,

Atau menjadi Hamba Allah yang luar biasa

Yang lebih kaya hati dan jiwanya berbanding emosinya?

Muhasabah Diri.

#copypastefacebook#

Some random post. 💝

Assalamualaikum.

Today is almost 1 month since i came back to work, after confinement leave. So far, so good. Too many things happen for the past few months. 

Some people said, the pregnancy journey is interesting. I admit that and agree with that, even its during PKP. Some people also said, the postpartum aka confinement days are more interesting and enjoyable. I doubted.  

Why? Because..i almost had, maybe already had postpartum blues. I felt like i had postpartum depression on & off during my confinement days. There are few precipitating factors. Let me keep it to myself only.

Luckily, my support system surrond me at that time was the best ever! Thanks to all of them. You know who you are. Im feeling blessed. 🥰 Im so grateful for that. 

Also, thanks for whom, made me realized..who am i to them. Now, i knew that my place. Im not part of them. It’s not as i thought. Need to be self-aware, need to distance myself from them. Sort of..boundary have to be set. Never cross! Never ever cross that. You are nobody, you are just an outsider. 

Hope that there is still happy glow! ✨

While scrolling down my facebook, i came across one article..its gently touch my heart.

———

"ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked, "How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” 

In all seriousness, she answered “How did you know?”

“Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.” replied the author.

Here’s the answer:

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, I was swept of my feet. Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone

else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this)

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a DECISION."

———-

Always doa for the best. InsyaAllah. Aminnn.

Cc: Lately, me too tired. Tired with everything. 😶😶 Last night was eventful oncall. 💪🏻💪🏻 Hanging there fifi! 😘 May need to seek divine pleasure. 🌷

She isn't the easiest girl to love

And no, she isn't the easiest girl to love. 

She has this bad habit of overthinking, she tends to overreact more than she should and she gets a little insecure every once in a while. 

She'll be needy for your attention, she'll want to literally take up all of your time, and she'll require a lot of reassurance. 

If anything, she is everything you wouldn't want in a girlfriend. 

She isn't capable of fully trusting you, she doesn't know when to stop fighting with you even if she's wrong, and she has no problem pushing you away if she feels like you're close to hurt her. 

Loving her will stress you out, 
loving her will make you angry, 
loving her will break your heart at times, 
loving her will test you, 

loving her will challenge you, 
and loving her will change you. 

It may get so demanding that you'll be tempted to walk away, it may get so hard that you'll think about giving up, and it may get so complicated that you won't want to deal with her anymore. 

Loving her means you get to see her at her worst and most vulnerable and that is something that you'll have be strong enough to handle because she needs someone who's patient enough to understand why she is who she is today. 

It's not gonna be an easy relationship with her. 

But if she is in love with you, then she can promise that you'll be loved with such passion and intensity that you'll forget what life felt like before she came along because she'll always be there to put your heart back together after breaking it. 

Maybe she's not the best at being loved, but she's pretty amazing at loving.

P/s: ‘she’ is me. 😶

My Khayra!

 Assalamualaikum. 

Lama rasanya tak jenguk blog ni. Rindu rasa hati. Ecewah gitewww!

Bila ntah last update blog ni. Banyak sangat benda jadi dalam few months ni. Pejam celik pejam celik..eh dah masuk tahun 2021!

Semua tahu, 2020 virus covid-19 menyerang kita semua. Sampai sekarang, tak surut-surut kes. Bertambah banyak ada la. Tapi, Alhamdulillah..tahun ni dah dapat vaksin. Semoga kes covid lepas ni menurun, insyaAllah..Aminnn.

Okay..actually nak citer pasal Khayra. Sape tu? Jeng..jeng..jeng!!! Introducing..our litlle 🍓! Nur Khayra Ameena. 

2 month old

Alhamdulillah..tepat 4/11/2020 @0217H, keluarlah seketul Khayra. 

Dengar bunyi keluar tu, macam senang jekkan..? Almost 24H in labour. Nanti ai citer labour journey okay!! Tupon kalau ai is soooo rajen!

Okayla..ai dah ngantuk. 🥱 Nanti sambung lagi okay! 👌🏻

P/s: Ni bukan baby pkp okay..baby 🍓 🙈